Awk-ward

With the ridiculously busy schedules everyone has, it's impossible to get Doogs, Ging, ADuh and myself for dinner together. Doogs is busy holding ovaries and studying bacteria in med school, A Duh is slaving a way in the name of beauty for her PR firm, and Ging is running around meat packing with a bunch of Frenchies. (I think I might have just given away the psuedoynyms of these 3 characters..ha). In any case, when we spontaneously planned a dinner for last Saturday night and everyone was able to make it, it was a wonderful surprise...and to make matters better, Ging was going to a party up town and didn't mind going the distance for the restaurant so uptown (above 14th street) was our oyster.

Originally, we tried to get into Rosa Mexicana but their next availability for 4 was 10pm and we said forget it. I did some research and read about this restaurant Fiorini that had just opened at the end of August. It sounded great--traditional Italian fare with a bit of modernism. It was opened by Donatella Arpaia’s (of famed Donatella and Burke, and the short lived Dona) father Lello (whose last restaurant was Bellini). The few reviews I found online said "Get here fast..before it's impossible to get in" so I thought that it would be a great opportunity.

When I arrived the last of the 4 to the restaurant, I could see through the window three young women amongst a sea of old people in proper jackets with a sprinkling of well established gay men in their 40s wearing pasley wall-papered shirts. As Ging put it best, "I wondered if my watch was wrong and it was really 5:30- was this the early bird special?" I soon learned that was the least of the awkwardness.

I sat down to the table and in usual ritual- Doogs handed me the wine list..I deferred to Ging as I'm not that familiar with Italian wine. Scanning through the menu, I found a slew of entrees I desired and narrowed it down to the tuna steak and the roasted swordfish with tomato olive and caper sauce. The table chose 2 appetizers to split - the asparagus with breads crumbs lemon and butter and the grilled calamari with mixed greens. When the server came over, it was like all chaos broke loose. He took Doogs's order and then as Ging ordered the 2nd app he mentioned they didnt have any calamari left. We scrambled to find a 2nd app while Aduh asked for a suggestion which the server was answering with dishes that contained speck and other delicacies Aduh would def not touch. She ended up with classic spaghetti and meatballs. I opted for the swordfish...we tried to order the clams as our 2nd app instead but it seemed unclear if the waiter got that. We thought- "Well at least we ordered our wine.."

The sommelier came out with our wine and the first words to exit his mouth were, "Are you all 21?" ADuh and Ging joked they were 17 & 18 but I guess that wasn't the time to joke. He poured our wine and I tasted..swiching the glass in circular motions on the table before the red contents entered my mouth. Would a 19 yr old really have the know how to properly taste a glass of wine? (well I guess..I think I knew how when I was 19). Anyways as much as that brought attention to our table in the small restaurant, the embarassment wasn't over yet. The sommelier returned to ask for one of our IDs! How inappropriate!! Everyone at the table was 24 and 25 years old and we were at a nice restaurant. I don't ever remember being actually carded at a restaurant that was supposed to have class. If they wondered--they asked and took your word for it. The elderly woman next to us started saying loudly, "Are those girls getting carded?!" Regardless to say, the steward had already poured our wine..what would he have done if we were under age? Take back our glasses? He returned with Doogs ID to say, "You girls are going to age gracefully..blah blah blah." Yes, we know that already- thanks for sharing and making our dinner extremely awkward by shining the fact that were 50 years younger than everyone else in the restaurant.

Then our appetizer came..and yes, I say that singularly. Our waiter did not 'catch' the clams although we said it twice and a plate of asparagus came out for the table.
A server put two pieces of asparagus on each of our plates, while saying "Well..it's not going to be much" with a snicker. The experience was just getting better and better. One thing I do have to say- although I would NEVER go back if you're under 35 or look young for your age for fear of majorly awkward meal, is that the food was really great. Everything was super fresh and tasty with subtle details that made the difference. The asparagus was beefy with the perfect ratio of lemon to butter lightly on the stalk. My swordfish was delicious with probably the best tomatoe olive caper sauce I've ever had- as it was just the right salt factor in a sauce that can be completely over saltified easily. Doogs loved her spinach gnocci as did Ging really enjoy her chicken with sausage in wine sauce. Even ADuh' spaghetti and meatballs was elegantly put together.

In addition to the staff and our fellow diners making us feel uncomfortable, there was the "we can't talk about our usual subject matter" awkwardness- yes, that means no hot lunch talk and other materials from urban dictionary. Usually 1 out of 5 words that comes out of Ging's mouth is about sex or something otherwise inappropriate. Everytime she uttered the words, "Sex, dick, masterbate" she had to whisper, which I must say was pretty hillarious. "He has a girlfriend but he told me he wanted to have (whisper) sex with me." And that's probably the cleanest of the statements.

When the dessert menus came, we couldn't even think of staying another instant in the restaurant. We wanted to run for our lives so we opted for some dessert wine at my place (ala Daddy K). As soon as we left the doors behind us, we felt a sigh of relief--we were so happy to be out of that awkwardness and onto the streets (where obviously anything goes).

As we were walked into my apartment, Ging started telling a story starting with the phrase "If I had a dick..." Ahh, it's good to be a mature 24 year old at home with her friends...